Before I say anything that may be slightly insensitive, all in the good fun of making a joke, I have to say this: nobody was hurt according to the Detroit News and I still hope everyone is safe and doing well following this accident. Now the good part.
So yesterday, July 28th, two boats in the Michigan Harbor on Lake St. Clair caught fire and exploded. Now I know what you're thinking, "he should say something about feeling bad for them losing their boats *insert Joe Kelly sad face meme*". If you're one of those people, you are officially an asshole. 2 things: 1) if you have a boat on Lake St. Clair you are rich, and if you are rich you are infinitely more rich than I am so I will never feel monetary remorse for you. Even if the Tigers do win the AL Central that'll barely win me enough money to look at a boat let alone buy one. 2) the article I am gathering my information from called one of the boats a "bayliner".
Now, I am no nautical savant so I couldn't tell you what exactly a bayliner is or what it means. What I do know about bayliners and the word bayliner is that is a status symbol for boats. A bayliner to a regular boat is like Potbelly to subway, really just another eschalon of sandwich/boat, whatever you prefer. In my life I've known one thing to be true, bayliners and potbelly are tell tale signs of wealth so I will reiterate, I couldnt care less about the boat sinking.
Now where this case gets interesting and True Crime comes into play is the story of what happened, according to the article two guys filled the boat with gas, pulled away, it caught fire and exploded, and in that process they swam to shore and fled on foot. I recently watched Fear City on Netflix (documentary about the FBI catching the 5 families of NYC, highly recommend) and this little incident has sicilian sausage fingers all over it. It makes even more sense because in that documentary it highlights the FBI and prosecution bringing down the mob, and naturally makes the mob look weak for losing. What would be a more perfect way for the mob to strike back and show everyone "WE'RE STILL HERE *tom brady lame ass chant*" than blowing up a St. Clair Shores big wig's 26 foot BAYLINER?!?!?
It would be an unbelievable leveraging of the Netflix doc dropping to not only create a little buzz about the mob but say fuck you and show that the mobs still got it. Now the only hole in my little investigation is I'm not sure who's boat was destroyed and why the mob would be motivated to do it. I know the founder of Art Van lives somewhere out that way, and he shits Benjamins (I've seen his house, nbd). Maybe the mob got screwed over in a massive furniture and home appliance racket and timed up their retaliation hit to coincide with the release of the documentary??? That would be a 5 dimensional chess move called in from the bosses upstate. Am I totally off base and wrong? Maybe, but probably not. If I've learned anything from watching true crime shows its that: every single time something suspicious happens, there is a massive conspiracy and investigation behind it. Every single time. Or maybe the gas tank didn't seal properly, who knows.